So you’re a high school freshman. Fresh off the beginning of the year Staples raid. Books, the hip tshirts (going to chuck the social suicide sweater vest no matter what Mom says), 200 ball point pens, 10 one inch notebooks, and a cool looking school supply apparatus that was on sale but you have no idea what it does. Summer’s on its last bow and school started sending you math homework in the mail to get done before the first day of class. Groan.

And then you get it. The “what to think about as a freshman preparing for college. Do not slack off, colleges look at all high school grades. Take hard classes. Make the sports teams. Make an impression on the school community. Join ASBC.” The time for doing all this was yesterday. The hot woman’s raised and lowered the checkered flag. Annnnd they’re off. This is your future that you’re diddlying with, kid. Make it count.

That’s just like adults. Looking into the future. Itching to smack teenagers on their heads with the responsibility wand and make them grow up instantly.

Take a breath. You’ll need it, seeing as you’ll be spending most of your time stuck in a locker. But, really. You are a freshman. I’m sure you realize that last year, you were in eighth grade. You’re fourteen, fifteen. Stay in school, watch CSI, decide what to name your future children. Life is good. If you’re lucky you are still one year away from doing your own laundry. (Oh how parents love the chores that come with sweet sixteen). Eat. Eat a lot. This is hot, home cooked food. A delicacy when you go to college. Not to mention: it’s free. And the hidden commodity: the shower. Enjoy the privacy, the consistent hot water, the shampoo/soap/washcloth/razor setup on the ledge to your liking.

Avoid murdering anyone (it tends to decrease acceptance rates). Don’t fail any classes. If you can, do a little summer job. Enjoy your life. As much as a freshman can, anyway.